August 27, 2005
These are the times that try men’s souls. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlefolk, there has been a change in flight plans. The well known 1987 Pontiac Safari Station Wagon is dead.
During a freak accident involving a diabolical radio (yes, it is possessed by the devil and has every thing to do with the devil in that it is evil and pernicious), and a freeway, the car was unable to recuperate and it perished. Though it wasn’t apparent that the car was dead, the body work was fine, but it perished from internal injury (although it was resuscitated and is now on life support, it is doubtful that it will be of any more use to the owners so we will refer to it as dead. If it does become useful once again, you folks will be the first to know). The immediate effect was devastating. The ecosystem became unbalanced and typhoons struck from the Verde River. Nuclear Winter is said to ensue because of this tragic happening.
The car was survived by owners Helen and Gregg Freeman and their resident-children Catherine Freeman, Matthew Freeman (Esquire), and Tianna Freeman. They took the news suprisingly well except for Matthew who was devastated. His comments through tears, “It was the only car I knew!†Upon hearing the news, Saddy Dumpington was heard asking everyone, “Isn’t that great!†Afterwards he was pummeled and kicked out of the province.
At least ten years in ownership to the Freeman’s, the car served them well. At the time of death there were 300000 miles and it had served it’s purpose well. Matthew Freeman (Chimichanga Champion) recalls that it was, “quite comfortable and perfect for sleeping in.†It was known that it had no Air Conditioning but that just added to its charm. It also housed a pretzel by the name of Jethro who refused to comment on the situation.
The car has been replaced by a 1995 Ford Escort LX Wagon who took up the job somberly and held the Safari in the highest regard. A psuedo-funeral will take place some day unless I forget about it totally which is quite probable. Forget about the funeral that is. The Dancing Brothers will be in attendance, especially the sensation of the Brother’s, The Killer Dynamo!
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And, somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout,
For the station wagon has died out!
Matthew Freeman (Nobel Prize winner as well as the Newbery prize winner and probably an Oscar winner too)
P.S.-Somewhere I think I read that the signs of the second coming would be the moon turning to blood and the Pontiac Station wagon dying. Maybe that’s just me. We should just play it safe and pack our bags. Tee hee.
-
If you would like to know more, feel free to call and/or e-mail us at our usual location.
*
Hank The Atomic Fish and the deceased.
Before there are too moany questions, I am responsible for the death of the wagon. I was messing around with the radio on my way to work. The road went one way and I went the other. Other than a burn from the seatbelt and a little soreness in the neck, I am fine. Matt wanted to write his obit and I couldn’t tell anyone the story without telling them that the car is dead. Any questions about the accident can be referred to me. Don’t we have a very creative brother? :)
It is a sad day indeed.
I guess someone forgot to tell Cass that she wasn’t allowed to listen to the radio until she’s had a good semester of driving. Wait, maybe that’s just driver’s ed class.
Anywho, let’s get a picture of the replacement, and definitely more of Hank.
Finally, what’s Mom going to do now that she can pull a u-turn on almost any road as opposed to the forward, reverse, forward, 3-point turns she’s been limited to since she graduated from the Pinto to the Wagons?